Well, this is just awkward.

I've only casually dropped by this journal in the last two or so years, and it's probably gotten to the point where half of you don't even know who I am (yeah, the feeling's mutual, bb). SO! I'm moving journals; miz0maliki's been good to me, but I need to start anew, and ditch screen name's that originated six years ago.

Of course, I'd like to keep all of you, so I'm inviting my entire f-list to my new journal, as well. If I never got to know you, now's a perfect opportunity. ♥ Let's be bff's.

I'm sorry about this.
Sayanora.




MOVED.
You can now find me at holstering.

It's 6:23 PM. I'm sitting alone in my apartment, waiting for my girlfriend to get off work because I'm lazy and it's too cold to venture outside. She leaves at midnight, and working half an hour away on icy roads, I probably won't see her until 1. I can hear the lady downstairs screaming about "the Lord, our father, and our savior, Jesus". I thought she had the church over (as she told us she'll do this pretty regularly), but I just realized, there's no one else here. She's been talking to her TV for hours. Actually, she just turned her music up (religious tunes, naturally), and now the floor's shaking. She must be dancing. Ah, yeah, she's dancing. She's clapping now, too.

I'm hacking someone's internet to type this, which means I'm crammed between the bed and dresser, trying to keep a signal. I only have one bar, but it's been pretty reliable, I just end up signing on and offline a lot--but hey, I had dial-up for years, losing a connection isn't anything new to me. Neither Tiffany and I have the money for phone or Internet, so we share her pre-paid cellphone and hack the webz when we need to. Other than that, my college is five minutes away, and as an Ohio State student, free T3, bitches. Speaking of free, the dancing lady downstairs keeps offering us things, like free cable. I apparently she hasn't paid for it, either, the eight months she's been here. We signed a six month lease, ourselves, and after that, we're out of Newark and off to Columbus because I have to transfer to the main OSU campus to complete my Japanese major. Tiffany's not in school, but we're working on that. She can't get financial aid because her parents make too much money, but damn if they won't give her any.

I s'pose I should upload pictures of our apartment, or something, but we're not nearly finished with unpacking. We got in on January 2nd, and then left for four days to visit her family in Virginia. The drive sucked, and my car pretty much gave up on the way back (going 90 mph down the windy roads of West Virginia isn't a good idea, fyi) but all in all, it was awesome. Her Grandma called me their second granddaughter and I felt all squishy and accepted inside. Plus, her Aunt, who I've met a few times before, never ceases to be awesome in her fangirly ways. As cool as they all were, it really doesn't surprise me that her (Tiffany's) Mom doesn't speak to these people much; she doesn't like ME, aterall, and seriously. I'm cooler than the other side of the pillow. ...yesss.

I've been needing to write for a long, long time, but I've felt so distant from the Internet. That's probably weird, but wtf at will, I honestly don't care. Life's spun me in thirty-four different directions in the last month alone. I can hardly keep up. Getting into the swing of Livejournal again is pretty sweet though, not gonna lie. I've lost contact with a lot of people I shouldn't have, but I plan on trying harder. A lot harder, time allotted. I have no idea if I'm using the word "allotted" correctly, but it looks sweet. University has obviously taught me nothing, and now, having cut my classes down to twice a week (Tuesdays and Thursdays) it'll probably teach me less. Sociology probably won't teach me anything at all, but I enjoy the fuck out of it.

Now.

Watch in wonder as I press the "post to miz0maliki" button.

Love and crumpets.
O'Mali.

So.

I came out to my Mom the day before yesterday, and as expected, it was gut churningly awful, pretty much to the point where I wanted to fling myself off my front porch (which, to be fair, is only roughly six feet off the ground, and I'd probably land on my feet, but you know how these things are). She's the first family member to know, and the one, undoubtedly, who'd take it the hardest, but I kind of felt like she should be the one to know, obligatorily. I'm not really close to any blood relations, aside from my Grandma, I guess, but even that's a stretch.

Anyway, this was basically a suicide attempt for several reasons. One, and the most obvious, I think, would be the fact that my Mom's a gay basher to the maxxx (and I'm not sure why I added the extra's x's there, 'cause my Ma hates pr0nz, but I'm leaving it). HOWEVER, that's not it. Secondly, she, well, she really doesn't get along with me as is, and I thought her knowing this would only make things worse between us (and you know what, folks? IT HAS). Thirdly, she hates my girlfriend of two years, and "banned" me from talking to her three years ago, all because of an RP she managed to read. Whoops. Anyway, real nice job with that one, Mom, it worked out splendidly.

But really. I'm moving out with this girl in a month or two, depending on how the draw goes. Eventually, my family had to find out, right? I mean, they haven't really INQUIRED who I'd be moving in with, as wonderful and caring as they are, but I figured I couldn't just drop it like a hat on my way out the door and STILL expect to come back and have them fill out my college financial aid paperwork every year. That's one thing they DO do for me, and I can't (literally) afford that. Thus, I told my Mom, thinking she'd spread it like a plague to the rest of 'em (aside from the kiddies; I have a 11-year-old brother, and two younger sisters, 7 and 4, and she'll want to protect them from my raging disease).

I really don't know if anyone else knows, though. My Dad--er... Step-Dad, I suppose--Brian's, been surprisingly nice to me, which raises some questions, but I haven't worked up the balls to ask. Usually, we're at each other's throats, but we have our moments, so I can't say if this is him being "supportive" or him blindly showing me affection for the first time in, oh, a rough decade. It's a tough call, considering no one wants to talk about it. In fact, Mom told me she didn't even want to KNOW when I told her, and shook her head, and all that. It kind of hurt a lot, but I'm a big girl, I'll swallow it.

For the last two days, she hasn't spoke to me much. The day it happened, she didn't speak to me at all, but when I took her kids to the local county fair, she acted like it never happened, so it's a big IDK, again. All the same, I refuse to let her shove me into submission and make me feel bad for who I am. It's as simple as that. im in ur house, bein homosexual.

Trufax.

On a side note, I want to be a carnie.
And I wonder why no one takes me seriously.

I come with a lengthy, heart-wrenching, tear-jerking tale to tell, regarding current affairs--in my life, that is--and how they're dragging me into an endless oblivion of general... Oh... I don't know. I was never good at that sort of thing, so let's skip the bullshit and get to the good stuff, aye?

YOUMACON 2008

Plans have been confirmed. After months of half-hearted "yeah, I may be there"-s, I finally managed to scronge together a group. ... Well, I s'pose I didn't really do anything, but honestly. Details, details. The point is, it's a definite. I and three Taco Bell employees, no less, are planning on spending the four days there as the Turks; I'm going as Reno, Tiffany's going as Tseng, and our friends Aaron and J.D. as Rude and Rufus. So... We're missing a few, but that doesn't matter. stfu, it's my first con, I'm excited, and not very organized. (;_;)

Anyone else headed to Michigan this October, maybe?

JROCK KINK MEME

... *SOBS* J-just do it. I'll never, that is, NEVER, be able to explain to you how beautiful Will Smith/Gackt is, no matter how hard I t-try. (TT___TT) And o-oh, sweet, sweet God-Sama, Kisaki, I really enjoyed y-you getting prison raped. You should probably pay your tax-es.

*Commits massive amounts of suicide*

Oh, holy fuck, it's 1:30 in the morning, I'm sitting in my parents' living room, howling with laughter, reading beautiful horrible, gut-wrenching jrock pornz.

Tiffany, please to be hurrying back from New York. If I don't have an outlet for the sheer amount of fanshit that I expel, I do terrible, horifying things. I love them so much.

Posting on Livejournal for the first time in 767,989,399 years and unexpectedly getting attacked by a bot on AIM which then connects me to a random person I've never talked to before--well, that's just something. A salmoning is most definitely the coolest thing that'll ever make you think you've been hacked. Hands down.

The best part? Though neither I or the person I was talking to had any idea what was going on, we still managed to have a half hour conversation about Death Note, and the fact that Raito's Japanese voice actor gives him an adorable, wussy edge. Beautiful.

They make t-shirts for people who've had this happen to them? ... Yeah, I'm probably buying one. Whoever invented this is a genius--a rich genius--and one day I will work for them.

NEW LIFE GOAL! (^^)/

Hay gaiz :DDD
I JUST LOST THE GAME.
Which, oddly enough, reminded me--"oh, yeah, I should probably update Livejournal", because honestly, I haven't updated this shit since 'Nam. On that note, yes, the Vietnam war was a little over a month ago, contrary to popular belief. I remember it like it was yesterday...

Except not really.

You know, I should probably contemplate why Shakira, of all things in the world, makes me lose the game--EVERY SINGLE TIME--but I suppose I'm not complaining, at least for the time being. Next time, though--*shakes fist*

Damn her catchiness.

Uh, anyway, to be quite honest, I don't even know where to start, now that I'm here. I graduated on the first, therefore I've been...sleeping. A lot. I surfed through a couple graduation parties, I had my own last night... I received my driver's license at the beginning of May, but I still don't have a car or insurance, so I don't drive. I thought I was getting a cell phone for graduation, but it turns out I have a Tracphone, which is actually pretty useless in every way. I met my girlfriend's family, despite her Mom's protesting (but to be fair, most of them didn't know we were dating). I can't find a job, but I'm only half-looking; not having a car has made things a tad difficult (though I did apply to Family Dollar today--hurrah?). I have a definite lethargic feeling, mixed with a bit of anxiety about college, and that word--"college"--has become almost a taboo in the last few weeks, due to more than a few unfortunate circumstances that you'll more than likely hear about as time goes on. ♥ I'm sketching out a plan, though, and doing the best I can with that, so I'd say life is--acceptable.

But, really, that's it.

I realize I haven't posted anything in two weeks, I realize I have lots of life and fandom updates to catch up on, and I realize I owe quite a few of you 239847239857 (or so) comments, but you have to understand, I AM MENTALLY UNABLE TO CARRY THROUGH ANY OF THESE THINGS RIGHT NOW. I have fifteen days of high school left--FIFTEEN DAYS--and I'm fairly sure my AP English teacher is trying to make me take my life. I have this huge, multimedia project due a week from Wednesday, and I have yet to start on it. I have to come up with some AMAZING video centered around Hamlet here in the next few days, and then I have to edit and chop it all together so it forms the most fucking HAMLETASTIC thing Mr. Welsch, my peers, and a group of random judges have ever seen. EVER. *flail*

HERE'S MY PROBLEM, THOUGH--aside from the fact that I have no clue what I'm supposed to be shooting--I DON'T HAVE ANY PROGRAMS THAT'LL HELP ME MAKE THIS MAGICAL VIDEO. I mean, yeah, there's always Windows Movie Maker, but to be quite honest, I've used it, like, once, and it wasn't spectacular. Are there any better programs floating around (for free) on the Intarwebz that might, y'know AID ME, here?

asdfghjkl GAWDDAMMIT, srsly, who wrote this shit, anyway? Shakespeare? YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT SHAKESPEARE? *shakes fist*

Right, so, thank you. :D

I--I AM NOT SHRUBBERY. No matter how much she wanted to look past me like I was nothing more than a fucking bush rooted in the middle of the building entrance, inconveniencing her, I was--well, damn it, I wasn't! If I were, I'd be the biggest, scariest man-eating bush ever, and I would have went out of my way to OM NOM NOM her to pieces.

FYI, my girlfriend's Mother and I are not bffs.

I ended up running into her (expectedly) at an award ceremony early tonight, and I can honestly say it was the most awkward shit since fifth grade sex education. I haven't spoken to this woman in two years, I haven't seen her in two years, and it was just about as thrilling as passing a kidney stone--I've never actually done this, but, oh, does it sound unpleasant. Knowing that I'm going to have her as an in-law in the future is even more unpleasant. Actually, scratch that, CO-EXISTING--that hurts just a little bit. Considering the last time we spoke was right before she blocked my number from her house phone, had Tiffany moved from all my classes, and banned her from talking to me, I can't say we ended on a good note, and I'm glad to see things won't be changing.

RAAF, (and other painful noises) I have a migraine. And it's 10:30. And I can't sleep. And...my computer's...hissing at me? That...doesn't sound good. Note to self, you might want to take a look at that, bb. |:

Yeeeaaah, well... the first person to wish me a happy 4/20, or National Weed Smoking Day, or whatever, gets punched in the spleen. Repeatedly. I'm not even sure I know where the spleen's located, but believe me, I'll find it, and I'll rupture that shit (it's not a vital organ anyway). On that note, thank gawd it's Sunday, and I don't have to be in class, surrounded by teenage wanklings, all claiming they shouldn't have to be there because it's a holiday, and they should be off, getting stoned.

lol no. I shoot you.

That's probably a horrible statement to make it light of the date, but y'know, eh, case and point, I s'pose. D:



And because I can't really follow that up with anything, updates laters, promise...s. Real life makes me frowny face, keeping me away from the Internet for this long. ): ← see?